The idea of giving up is hard to swallow, but i'd rathe do that than be force-fed.

Thank you for the early christmas, you're the best babe (=

Day one of winterbreak: goood. (=

Nothing is gonna pull me under.

Friday? (=

"first thing they teach you is not to give a fuck; that type of thinking can't get you nowhere, someone's got to care." -the roots.

"she's gone forever.."

People are so disappointing. Ugh, then they have the nerve to ask why someone with some common sense is pessimistic. Oh please.

Joshua brandon nguyen-harris-tatum. Hm (=

It's as if everyone is passing one after the other. In turn for the new generation to step up. But what if i don't want them to leave? Please don't take them away..

Done judging.

Last night could have been terrible. I almost lost someone I really, truly care about. It's those moments that make you realize how something precious can be taken away from you so fast. I'm just hoping we can learn from it- never take anything for granted. I love you, D. And thank you to whoever is up there for watching over us.

Homecoming was more than fun. I have some things i should think over. Sigh.

Hello haters, i thank you for everything you do (=

Lessons learned: how to see people's true colors.

Something that we allow that I don’t even have to mention
Is whether or not you got me, that’s something that I never question
Sometimes I feel that the people that I love don’t appreciate me
And some hate to see the shit I’ve been going through lately
See you was here, when it started to haywire
You’re still here, walkin with me going thru the fire
And I really love you for it, I know you all relate too
On everything that I believe and I appreciate it you
And just for that, it don’t matter you can put that on my name
The way you rep me, let me be there just for you the same
Sometimes the pressure and the pain, it be wearin’ me out
But I thank you for just bein’ there and for hearin’ me out
I got a clearer view, I thank God that you’re here for me and I’m here for you

Letter three,

I'm too strong to be feeling like this. I hate wondering what-if all the time. But everything happens for a reason i guess. I miss having someone to talk to whenever and wherever. I'm always gonna be here for you. I meant it when i said it, don't ever doubt that. Just a call away, right, "bruhbruh"? Miss you're dorky ass. I hope you're ok.

-jas.

"And i love that you don't know. Haha bite me bitch. "

Sick, again. Let's get this over with.

Pirate's whatevers was the shit. Haha Brandon almost wet his pants. Good distraction from the rest of my stress.

Peace sign up with the index down. I have better things to worry about.

-jas.

"lameass could-be's, all the trippen fake g's, f*ckn easy bar bees, superficial hoes,..

by know you should know i've never been one of those."

Letter Two.

I can't even tell you how much I do not want to return to school this year. Just going back to get orientation stuff over the last few days felt like torture. School is so suffocating, or at least it feels that way. Just gotta keep thinking that this will be over in roughly 7 months..


Dear _,
I wish I could tell you everything and that you would listen. Without judgment and assumptions. If it was just anyone else it would not matter to me in the least, but from you, it is completely different... as much as I try to convince myself otherwise. You really don't get it and the odds are undoubtedly against you. At this rate I don't know what will happen.
I'm hoping for your sake, you can come through this time.

Yours,
Jas.

Renewal.

Recently there has been so much change. At the end of almost everyday, before I knocking out for the night, for some unexplainable reason I feel like a different person. Though I never did any kind of intro about me, I feel a need to redefine myself, for myself in as short a time as possible. &IDGAF.

My full name is Jasmine Michelle/Mimi Nguyen. I think true and uncontrolled laughter is the best thing ever created by whoever's up there. I say whoever, cause I don't know who is. My life goal currently is to be 5foot 5 inches. Quite a goal for this supposedly-hispanic-looking asian chick, hm?
I'm attracted to real unique people who know what they want. And naw, unique doesn't mean you're a weird freak, it means there's no one out there who's got that little somethin that you do. I don't mind the others; you can't have your lovers without your haters. mhmm.
My family calls me "Mimi" but I won't respond to it unless you're one of them. And oh yes, I do have the only two normal dimples in the family. Some call me cocky and arrogant. Oh well cause those that really know it, they know I'm your sillygoose. They also say i have multiple personalities... hahaha i don't deny that. And I could care less what you think (=
Give me a good joke and i'll laugh, i promise. Even if it's just to make sure you don't feel bad. Give me a serious conversation, and I'll be your AsianOprah.
I try to live everything day by day cause really, the next minute is the future, and i'd rather think of that then think of myself years from now. I don't understand why people talk BS. It's a waste of breath babe, you should save it.
With everything, being up-front and straightforward with me gets the message across. It works, trust me.

I am your chocolate eating, kickbox loving, dimplewearing Jas. and now I'm tired.

Letter One.

Warning: mildly advance vocabulary.

Dear _,

I can truthfully say that I've never met anyone like you. You're intelligent to an undefined extent and I find that admirable in the most peculiar way. I gotta say, you're unique.
As two-faced as you are in my eyes, you amaze me at how you easily slide into people's good graces. Really, I just don't understand how you do it. It undoubtedly amazes how you never seem to struggle to sleep every night. And as for how you somehow managed to slip off karma's unloving list of prospects? I guess I'll never know. But I do have to confess, you taught and showed me many things I would've never discovered on my own. Maybe on some day of the Apocalypse, I'll find those lessons rewarding. I'm also pleased to let you know that ever since I've drawn a sort of line of division between us two, I haven't felt a pain in my back side. In reflection, I realized that it could have been done a long while before.

I hope that you can eventually find it in your naturally cold reserve to forgive me for confiding in you my ambitious hopes and believing your words about promises or the future. For now, I hope you enjoy the lovely false smiles. Maybe even feel some warmth. Be happy that you still have facades, cause I know how you enjoy them.

Oh, as for the guilt, it really does not fade quickly. Trust me(:


Yours Truly,
Jas.

@ the Delta

it's been awhile haha.

Waking up at 5am in order to go boating and wakeboarding, I didn't expect to later be stranded with three people in a lake. I also didn't think I'd be watching them try to paddle us back to shore. With just one oar. Never did it take so long for a boat to move one whole foot. Being the only girl on board, I occupied myself with other things. And in the end, the duck I met on the shore and shared my food with shitted on our boatdeck.

What a day.

Untitled.

I'll share what song I'm currently listening to:

Because I have nothing else to take my mind off the stupid mistake I made yesterday. Great.

Cocky vs. Confident

it's been awhile. But let's shoot,

Hella people seem to have problems with people being confident (or overly confident). If they think they got it, let em think it. Fck, if they wanna annoy the shit out of the public and later regret it, let em. You really don't have to care, but it's apparent that some people just choose to anyways.
&that's all I have to say.
OUT.

Self-explanatory.

Michael Joe Jackson
August 29th 1958 - June 25th 2009

Still Unhealthy

Being sick for two weeks, especially the first two weeks of summer is definitely not the way I thought I'd be spending my time. After the dumbass food consumption problems and fever, I'm left stuck with the dumb coughs. Along with that, I'm still not allowed out of the house except for the occasional errand-run. That doesn't really seem to stop me, but still.
I still don't feel like myself and I just wanna say I appreciate the people who are being patient with me. Always and just cause.
Short and simple; my head kinda hurts so I think I'll stop here.
Gnight.

SUMMER

I'm sick. Really sick. When I'm finally cured though...
Bring on Summer! I really can't express how happy it makes me.

It's SUMMEER, so yea we have plans and are gonna make more, don't trip. I really am not gonna waste this time now.
Let's kickit sometime.

OUT

Decisions

It feels like I haven't used my brain in days. Can't think straight bout the important things and its annoying. Today I'm feeling sick and my voice was jacked, but whatever.
I had a GOOODASS day (=

In the back of my mind, the possibility of moving and leaving everything here behind me is fcken terrifying. It's as if as soon as everything starts coming together, I might have to leave it. I really do not want to.
As for the other things, I've recently come to the conclusion that friends are liable to cause set backs. it's the real friends that encourage you do get shit done.

Yea now I feel tired and naps are lovely.
OUT.

Damnn

My eyes really hurt right now. But theres stuff that I really wanna say, so ima write this shit out anyways.
It really bothers me to have those weirdass uncomfortable thoughts always going on in the back of my mind.
For one, I don't understand why some people have to be so fcken immature, but then again I get that we're not teens forever.
If friends are tight and they trust eachother and all that supposed goodstuff, why do they turn on eachother and get those lame doubts. I'm not saying i don't cause Honestly, i do. TRUST is supposedly essential in these relationships, but shooot i doubt anyone really completely trusts someone, even if they really want to.
Then there's the insecurities. It's easy to convince yourself that you really don't give a fuck. But if you're doing that, doesn't that MEAN you actually do CARE. Those insecurities just hold people back. Keep it real, please.
And then those other relationships. Why do people instantly assume that being together means SEX? I don't get how some guys can talk about it like there's no feelings involved. Sure, i get the whole no strings thing, cause in a way it's like legalized prostitution in Vegas, but otherwise shouldnt you actually put SOME kind of consideration into what you say and do? Fuck, its kind of crazy to me to think how could some people be so stupid or indifferent bout the whole thing.
On a daily basis, I don't usually think of all this stuff, but today for some reason i needed to just get it out there. Not fronting, not bullshitting, just putting the thoughts out there.

OUT.

Procrastinating again

Currently listening to:



I never thought it'd turn out this way. I always thought by now I'd be somewhere bigger, somewhere where my wildest dreams came true. This shit was back when my biggest problem was learning to count to 100. Those days are missed so bad. Currently avoiding a lot of useless stuff that I won't need in the future. I honestly don't see why I try so hard anymore. When these other dumbasses somehow get what they want with the least effort.
As of now, 7 more days till I'm stress free. Then Driver's ed, summer, and those long warm nights out. I have no plans, no agenda, no priorities when that finally comes. I've successfully stopped caring about the other parts of life and I'm focusing on what's needed. Really can say I'm feeling better now and it's been a long time.

HONESTY

I really don't know where I stand, but be real with me and tell me whasup. Cause if you don't I won't know. If you really care, you'd tell me the truth. I hate liars. In the end nothing they say can be taken as true.
Sucks for them.

Insanity

Haha well as of now, H says there's only 11days of school left. FINALLY! Those summer nights keep sounding better and better. Hectic 11 days..

Before I get the thoughts going, keep this in mind: It's not perfect, but I love my life. Cause I only have this one.
Ready?

Not a pessimistic, but I can be. You know those bad days we all have..There's been too many. Right now, I've stopped caring.
There's things I can't control, too many, and I'm finally coming to the realization that I shouldn't focus on them. I should be thinking of what I know can actually change and make things better for me. Really, I do have a life to love right? Within the next few months I don't know what will happen. Might lose some special things in my life, but if theres nothing I can do, I'm going to have to live with it.The only thing i see coming from some shit is premature wrinkles, frustration, and those tough days. Wish me well..? or not, I really don't care. cause I'm gon get through.
Just when I think everythings getting better, turns out I'm dead wrong. Think I'm gonna turn out numb to it all someday.
So um. "fuckmylife"?
Just kidding.



OUT.

Fck HIIT

So the director/coach told us they want to get us fighters started on interval training, ASAP. Sore every other week lately, this'll just add to it. After a session of this HIIT...Today, my legs, shoulders, stomach, and even my ass is in pain with just walking. BG says I'm walking hella weird. Great.

With everything else in life, it's chill as of now. There's no point in me stressing about it, just a few more days of school, then I'm on a longggasss BREAK, feel me?

Case of You?

"And I can't play it off like we friends like I used to, know I can't pretend like I used to. So now im lyin in my bed thinkin bout you. And what do I do? Man I feel like I'm comin down with a case of you"

He has a sexy voice.
Currently unenthusiastic about a couple of things. Putting up with everything gets me feeling kinda numb, if that makes sense. So tired of feeling like I'm going in circles. I'm excited for some sun and a beach this weekend hopefully, getaway for a few days. Hit me up and keep me company?

Shared:


OUT.

Security

Got me thinkin you're too insecure. Caring bout what they think will lead to you screwing yourself over. Stop frontin, it doesn't matter, 'cause you know whasup.
I'm looking out for myself. Having fun too. And I wish things could be different, but that's not stressin me.
"If you leave, you're leaving the best. So you'll have to settle for less."

OUT.

5-15

Not even late, and drained.
People choose what mood they wish to be in. For whatever reason, if depression suits you, there's nothin to it. It's staying positive that shows your strength. Go on and be a downer breh. I really do care but if ya just brush it off, I'm going on with the parade, feel me? Cause yea.. pardon me, but I'm allergic to bullshit.

"it's the freakin weekend and I'm bout to have me some fun."

OUT.

Happening

"The single mover is very powerful, since it directs so vast and complex a machine. It is very intelligent, since the smallest spring of this machine cannot be equaled by us." -Voltaire

I realized some time early this week something that I should have always known but failed to recognize. Like an epiphany, the thought came to mind when a friend asked me a simple question. But,
It's funny how these things happen. In a ball on confusion, all I really want is to sleep the days away and wake up one day ready to travel and find the truths till I'm satisfied. Maybe in the future possibly I'll have a chance to ask you about anything on my mind and get a truthfully refreshing answer in return. Asking now in midst of what my teacher calls social immaturity, would simply be either awkward or too much for you to handle. Maybe I'm wrong, but i kind of doubt it.

-Happy Birthday RobPattinson!
OUT.

Assumptions

"It gets awkward when people jump to conclusions and form their own judgements before they get their facts straight. It makes us question: Did the saying "never judge a book by it's cover" ever have any effect?"

Feels like those around me have been making a big deal out of smalll things. It's been as if some insignificant actions have somehow formed into messes.
What I do on a regular basis shouldn't worry anyone who hardly knows me. For a fact, I don't bother worrying about their business either, unless it's somehow directly related to me. Should be simple. Everything happens for a reason. Definitely not perfect, but I know what I want and recognize self-respect.

Today, someone asked me how everything is. I'm usually not in the mood for these questions...really don't know why. It just seems like a lame conversation starter I guess. On a regular basis I'd reply with a one-word answer, GOOD. This time, I didn't know what to say. I think I'm gonna take a breakk soon.
kayy, Im Outt.

Smelled like burning

"Life's a climb, but the view is worth it".

Playing around is fun and all, no complaints there at all, be chill, right? But.. I really do appreciate honesty. I'm willing to take all the truths, as long as people stop fronting and get the guts to say it. If you're too shy, you kind of just let things slip away.

For General Audiences

I don't like it when people put everything out there. There's a certain point when it gets overrated. Keep some things to yourself- it's really not hard to figure whether it's immature or not. As for people telling everybody bout how they feel, that's your choice. Don't get ridiculous.

R&R

If I could go back in time, I really don't think I'd change much. Yea, I'd take back some wasted words, apologies, and such but nothing more. Wouldn't be the same if I changed more than that.

Today: Wasn't feeling the weather and the company around me much. It's almost the feeling of being held back or boxed in. I think I need some rest and recovery or something? Reconsidering going to Jr. Prom though; friend has the ticket for me already...hopefully he can find someone else who would like to go. I'm guilty cause it's last minute. Also, I might skip D's party this weekend. She knows I'll make up for it later.
I think the parents aren't on speaking terms again. My godmother called to say she wants me to know that that's not what a relationship is supposed to be like. She says she hopes I know. Let's hope I do.

I'm out.

4-28

"I see the clouds coming,
but I'm dancing in the rain
Baby, will you dance with me?"
- Dance in the Rain, Travis Garland

Everything is pretty calm right now, just enjoying the week. Some things could've screwed it up, but my mentality is too positive for any of that influence.
Oh, I remembered Diana told me a joke today: (un chiste?)
"-Hey are you a pirate?
-cause you have hella booty!"
Just sharing that. Also made some successful three-pointers on the courts! HEYY.

Kay, I'm out.

Updated

So I forgot to tell you this is the New Blog.
I kind of forgot the login stuff I used for the old one, ohwell.

So yesterday Ameera's, Madison's, and Lexie's parties were part of the day. Happy Birthday loves. About Ameera's, I have to say: Zo was doinn great as DJ. Right? GOZO.
Someone was having a little too much fun with the lights though, many complaints and headaches. As for Maddie, your couch is very comfy and you know I dig redvelvet cakes. Overall fun night though (=
Today was chill, just quality time with the family and family friends. Hate the workload though.

Oh I discovered my new Default song:


I'm OUT.

Much Appreciated

Like when nothing seems to be going right for some reason. Maybe I'm being to cynical or looking from the wrong point of view? But it feels like enough time's been spent dealing with the problems people create.

Seems like they have nothing better to do sometimes.
Honestly Pathetic.

Just relax and laugh for once.

Refresh

Let's just say..maybe we don't care anymore. Maybe I move too fast but I won't say I'm sorry though.
Starting over now.

Take a breath, friend.

-Busy Living My Life,
leave some love.